Reasonable Expectations in a Committed Intimate Relationship & questions for couples to discuss

How do you know you are in a healthy and good relationship? For many people this is not easy to answer as not all of us have observed good examples of healthy relationships. How do you know that your expectations are realistic? The following statements and questions might be helpful in evaluating how good and strong your relationship is and it might highlight some areas that require a bit more effort.

1. Honouring each other and the marriage: What does this mean to the both of you?

2. Respecting each other: What does respect for each other mean?

3. Prioritising each other and your children: How can you demonstrate this?

4. Putting effort in the relationship

5. Trusting each other and feeling safe in the relationship: How is trust and safety related?

6. Showing affection and appreciation: How do you show this to your spouse?

7. Using effective communication: Acknowledgment, validation, active listening, showing empathy and asking open questions

8. Being open and honest with each other and not holding secrets (e.g. being open about money and sex)

9. Understanding and accepting personality preferences and allowing each other to be “their own tree”

10. Spending quality time with each other: What is quality time?

11. Showing an interest in each other and being curious to know of each other’s opinions, ideas, work and activities

12. Being physically intimate: Hugging, holding hands, touching, and sexual activity that is mutually satisfying (see #8)

13. Acknowledging that there are other activities and people in each other’s life that are also important

14. Having clear boundaries that have been discussed and agreed upon (e.g. work/personal life and being clear on what is a work event/social event)

15. Creating opportunities to have fun and laughter as a couple

16. Making plans together: Short term and longer term (e.g. for the weekend, the holidays, the future

Have some great talks !

Elisabeth